Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
Category: Humor
Swirl’s Chewed Things: Eschewed Beauty Products
Hello. I am Swirl. I am chagrined to say that yesterday I ate a lipstick. I don’t even use lipstick or any kind of beauty aid. For obvious reasons. I thought it was a white sausage. There are such things. I didn’t eat it… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Eschewed Beauty Products”
Duct Tape, Flat Tires, and Other Things
I know my way around a roll of duct tape. I also know the names of most tools and can mount a good argument about whether the screw we are working on outside needs a Phillips-head or an Allen wrench. (Who were Phillip and… Continue Reading “Duct Tape, Flat Tires, and Other Things”
Swirl’s Chewed Things: Enlightenment
Hello. I am Swirl. While the people and the other dog were watching football, I ate the front and back covers of “Disrupt Aging.” I would have eaten the rest but it seemed indigestible to me. It doesn’t matter. It was being used as… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Enlightenment”
The Purple Shirt: Part Three
The man behind them in line listened to everything. He held a stack of DVD’s, a hockey jersey, and two souvenir shot glasses from Las Vegas. Who buys souvenir shot glasses used, Gloria wondered, but only for a minute. The man looked at her… Continue Reading “The Purple Shirt: Part Three”
The Purple Shirt: Part Two
“Oh gee, I’m really sorry but this is exactly the shirt I was looking for,” Gloria said. “It’s a beautiful shirt. I can see why you’d like it.” She draped the purple shirt over the handle of her shopping cart and moved to the… Continue Reading “The Purple Shirt: Part Two”
Hard to Please
Apologizing in advance for what one has cooked for dinner is so feeble. I hate it. Never apologize! Take no prisoners! Bring me echoes of every man I have known, on a platter, with parsley. I explained to my husband who usually cooks on… Continue Reading “Hard to Please”
Swirl’s Chewed Things: Haute Cuisine
Hello. I am Swirl. I ate the New York Times French onion soup recipe tonight. Not all of it. But enough. It has too much cheese. That’s why. The people put toppings on my dinner. My kibble is crummy. It’s for dogs with bad… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Haute Cuisine”
Roller Derby
I went to Costco today for the first time. Everybody raves about Costco but I’ve resisted joining figuring I was done with the world of Big Food when my kids grew up and left home. I used to go to Sam’s Club and buy… Continue Reading “Roller Derby”
Swirl’s Chewed Things: Moola
Hello. I am Swirl. I have eaten a lot of money in my time. If I am careful, I can pull out the bills without eating all of the leather thing they are in. I eschew leather. It reminds me of animals. It is… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Moola”
Swirl’s Chewed Things: Hospitality
Hello. I am Swirl. This mat came on our porch today out of nowhere. Nobody gave me a heads-up. Just all of a sudden it was there, all prickly. Stiff. Fifty stabs. Inedible. All I could do was kill it by making it into… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Hospitality”
Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
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