Category: Humor

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Assortment

Hello. I am Swirl. Yesterday, I chewed an oven mitt, a basting brush, and the attachment to the pet hair hand vac. They were all left in my area. I am not at fault. Random objects are disturbing. And it was very hot. I… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Assortment”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Sports Equipment

Hello. I am Swirl. The people complain about gas, which I have sometimes when I am sleeping. I don’t apologize for this. Or anything else. Tonight we went to a house with another dog. That made three of us. A young girl dog that… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Sports Equipment”

Fashion Plate

I want people to regard me as a person of substance but it’s hard when I fall for ordering a dress for ‘older women’ advertised on Facebook. It finally got delivered today after weeks of anticipation. It came in a tiny lump in a… Continue Reading “Fashion Plate”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Plumbing

Hello. I am Swirl. I used to be a working dog. But now I am a laying down dog. Except at the dog park where I run a lot like the old days except by myself. There are other dogs but they just run… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Plumbing”


“I think I know what happened,” I said, wringing out the dish towel for the fifth time. “What?” My husband was on his knees with his head inside the refrigerator, soaking up pools of what looked like water on each shelf, not yet tackling… Continue Reading “Tapped”


A couple in northern Wisconsin won the $316.3 million Powerball. They decided to take a cash payout of $153.9 million instead of getting their riches doled out a few million at a time. They’re older. I get their point. “Why didn’t we win the… Continue Reading “Shortcomings”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Animals

Hello. I am Swirl. There is an animal here. I poked open the door and there it was on the chair looking at me. Staring at me. Like it lives here. Where have they been keeping this animal? I don’t understand. It eats little… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Animals”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Awake

Hello. I am Swirl. I am an insomniac. This is new. I wake up in the dark and everybody is sleeping. The lady and the man and Punchy, well, not Punchy, because he’s always half-awake because he is so unbelievably nervous all of the… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Awake”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Swaddling

Hello. I am Swirl. My owners think I need a therapy dog. I get extremely anxious when storms are coming so I jump on things and paw at them like the couch pillows and people. Last week during a storm, the lady sat in… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Swaddling”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Indigestible Assets

Hello. I am Swirl. I ate a dollar bill. I didn’t know it was money. I thought it was green paper with a face on it. Like a drawing. Or a page from a book. I think. I’ve heard books have pages but I… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Indigestible Assets”

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