Category: Swirl’s Chewed Things

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Eschewed Beauty Products

Hello. I am Swirl. I am chagrined to say that yesterday I ate a lipstick. I don’t even use lipstick or any kind of beauty aid. For obvious reasons. I thought it was a white sausage. There are such things. I didn’t eat it… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Eschewed Beauty Products”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Enlightenment

Hello. I am Swirl. While the people and the other dog were watching football, I ate the front and back covers of “Disrupt Aging.” I would have eaten the rest but it seemed indigestible to me. It doesn’t matter. It was being used as… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Enlightenment”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Haute Cuisine

Hello. I am Swirl. I ate the New York Times French onion soup recipe tonight. Not all of it. But enough. It has too much cheese. That’s why. The people put toppings on my dinner. My kibble is crummy. It’s for dogs with bad… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Haute Cuisine”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Moola

Hello. I am Swirl. I have eaten a lot of money in my time. If I am careful, I can pull out the bills without eating all of the leather thing they are in. I eschew leather. It reminds me of animals. It is… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Moola”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Hospitality

Hello. I am Swirl. This mat came on our porch today out of nowhere. Nobody gave me a heads-up. Just all of a sudden it was there, all prickly. Stiff. Fifty stabs. Inedible. All I could do was kill it by making it into… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Hospitality”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Assortment

Hello. I am Swirl. Yesterday, I chewed an oven mitt, a basting brush, and the attachment to the pet hair hand vac. They were all left in my area. I am not at fault. Random objects are disturbing. And it was very hot. I… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Assortment”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Sports Equipment

Hello. I am Swirl. The people complain about gas, which I have sometimes when I am sleeping. I don’t apologize for this. Or anything else. Tonight we went to a house with another dog. That made three of us. A young girl dog that… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Sports Equipment”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Plumbing

Hello. I am Swirl. I used to be a working dog. But now I am a laying down dog. Except at the dog park where I run a lot like the old days except by myself. There are other dogs but they just run… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Plumbing”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Animals

Hello. I am Swirl. There is an animal here. I poked open the door and there it was on the chair looking at me. Staring at me. Like it lives here. Where have they been keeping this animal? I don’t understand. It eats little… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Animals”

Swirl’s Chewed Things: Awake

Hello. I am Swirl. I am an insomniac. This is new. I wake up in the dark and everybody is sleeping. The lady and the man and Punchy, well, not Punchy, because he’s always half-awake because he is so unbelievably nervous all of the… Continue Reading “Swirl’s Chewed Things: Awake”

%d bloggers like this: