Across Forty Years – A Heartache

A long time ago, more than forty years ago, I ran out of a hotel room into a hallway but the difference for me was that people heard me yelling for help and opened their doors to see what was happening. It was as if they’d choreographed the whole scene. I yelled “Help!” and people opened their doors. I didn’t appreciate it enough when it happened. I was too embarrassed. And too scared. Now, I see it for what it was – unconscious compassion. Worry for the woman yelling for help.

Security came and asked me what I wanted to do. They asked if I wanted to call the police. I said no. I wasn’t hurt. I had escaped getting hurt. But I was very scared. My longtime boyfriend had tried to strangle me. He was very big, hard to fight off, but he was also drunk which made it easier than I could have imagined. Plus, I had never had anyone in my entire life lay a hand on me in anger, so my reaction was an explosion. I got away and I ran – into the hall, to face the inquisitive looks of neighbors in the hotel who, mercifully, had opened their doors and not just turned up the TV. Bless them and bless them again.

With security, I went back into my hotel room, gathered my things and my car keys, retrieved my car from the parking lot, and drove. I was in another state, hours from home, and it was dark, the middle of the night, and I was afraid now of both driving alone in the dark and believing that somehow my boyfriend might be chasing me even though I had the car we had come in. So, I went to another hotel, rented a room, and once inside, moved the dresser in front of the door.

In the morning, I drove across a couple of states back home. All the way, I thought, how did this happen? How did I get myself in such a situation – having people open their doors to look at me yelling in a hotel hallway? I listened to the radio all the way home, held on to the wheel like it was a life preserver, pretended I drove alone across the country all the time. I looked in the rear-view mirror constantly. No one was chasing me.

I thought about all this watching the horrible video of Sean “Diddy” Combs brutalizing Cassie Ventura in the hallway of a fancy hotel in 2016. No one opened their door. She was alone. At a violent man’s mercy.

That’s a heartache. Even after all this time.