Dissection

There are times when you have to sit down and ask yourself: What is it you’re afraid of?

Several years ago we owned a powerboat. My husband loved the boat but only when he could drive it fast. He hated towing the boat, launching the boat, and putting the boat back on the trailer.

I hated going fast.

So I’d dissect this fear. What was it I was afraid of? The boat was sea worthy. We were boating on Lake Michigan but near to shore and never in bad weather. He was a good driver. The boat was built to go fast.

We would have to hit something or do something very reckless to capsize.

I knew this but whenever we were out on the lake and my husband would get that look of pure glee on s face as he pushed the throttle, I’d clench up. And I’d ask myself: What is it I’m afraid of?

Was it dying?

Getting injured?

Or was it the dread of that second when the boat smashed into something and then flipped over?

It took a while but I figured it out. What I was afraid of was dread.

There is a lot of dread to be afraid of. Naming it doesn’t make it go away but it does help to sort out what’s real and what’s in my head.