Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
Casting
If you married a man who was a fisherman, who fished not for single trout or salmon but for herds of whitefish which he then sold to stores and restaurants so tourists could enjoy an authentic Lake Superior meal, your whole life would smell of fish. But you probably wouldn’t have been thinking that when you married him. Then the fish smell that peeked out from under his Zest shower would seem earthy, extra, something other men didn’t have. Those men would seem soft, their pants too creased, afraid of deep water. A man that smelled of Zest and fish would wrestle the others to the ground. Little would you know this would mean you would be cleaning fish for the rest of your life. And that you, too, would smell of fish.
Yesterday, I found the scribbled notes my husband made on the back of an envelope, his preparation for a speech he was to give to celebrate the 30th anniversary of a nonprofit organization he founded just before we were married. I’d sat at one of the lovely banquet tables in the middle of 200 people while he had held the envelope and given the speech but, as often happens, I’d heard only parts of what was spoken. Even though he is the person I can most consistently hear, my hearing disability often precludes getting all of what someone says in a large crowd in a venue with high ceilings and glass walls. I knew that he’d thanked the people who had traveled a long way to attend this event that was so special to him, his best friend from San Francisco, our friends from Chicago. And I knew that he mentioned my name because he looked at me and people applauded.
But it wasn’t until yesterday when I looked at his nearly indecipherable handwriting on the envelope that I understood what he’d actually said. He listed the people who had come a distance to the event and then noted “the person who came the longest way – Jan – 30 years.”
And there is the essence of casting one’s lot with someone. Like the fisherman’s wife who didn’t know or didn’t care that she, too, would eventually smell like fish, I cast my lot with someone because the person he was wrestled the others to the ground. It was a decision made entirely in the moment without any thought to future fish to be cleaned, decks that would need swabbing, or boats that would end up parked in the yard for years. I never gave a thought to the future.
It was, at that time, and now, too, a gift to be mindless and to not care about what would happen next.
11 Comments on “Casting”
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Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
I love this – made me weepy in the best way. Thank you
Reblogged this on Red's Wrap.
This is a sweet post. I’m glad you were able to read what your husband had said since you didn’t get to hear it well. It’s true, we don’t know the future when we agree to the now, so it can be quite the adventure finding out what’s in store!
Adventure — how true! 🙂
what a special way to describe such a special bond!! I too am glad for my inability to overthink too much.. Was the best decision of my life getting married to my husband:)
Overthinking is really a curse, don’t you think? I guess that’s the gist of ‘throwing caution to the winds.’
Great writing and great message. I wonder if it is a blessing that we can’t see what the future will bring when we love someone enough to want to spend our future with him. That future not only brings a lot more of what we love about him (sometimes more fish than we can tolerate), but also so many surprises and changes. Coping with the surprises and adjusting to the changes that take place in both of us while maintaining our commitment is what makes for an enduring relationship. The road sure isn’t easy and it is hard work – but very rewarding. What a wonderful man that he recognized how far you came to be with him on that day.
Sorry, Jan. My mind was working so fast I didn’t read your last paragraph. If I would have read it I would have started by saying I agree with your last statement. 😀 I guess I have a hearing problem too.
Thanks, Pat! 🙂
I love this. There’s something to be said about living in the moment and not thinking about what 2 days or 20 years from now will bring.
Thanks, pal. Where have you been lately?