Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
Minnie and BowWow Discuss Gluttony
BowWow: It sucks that the old man is calling me Ham Sandwich. I don’t go around calling him names when he eats too much.
Minnie: You didn’t just eat too much, BowWow. You ate the holiday ham. I heard the lady say they paid $52 for that ham.
BowWow: I’m sorry but the lady – dumb broad, I’m sorry, I love her but really who would do that after knowing me 10 years? – left the ham on the God Damn counter! For Christ’s sake!
Minnie: I think I saw somewhere that gluttony is a sin.
BowWow: I didn’t gut anything. It wasn’t a damn deer. I just ate the whole thing. Except the bone. She walked in on me just when I was getting started on that fine bone.
Minnie: Oh good grief, BowWow. Gluttony isn’t about gutting something. It’s about eating way too much, being a pig.
BowWow: So I’m a pig for eating a pig. So now I’m a fucking cannibal. I do feel a little sick, though. Shit.
Minnie: Maybe we should do a cleanse, BowWow. Clean out our insides, you know, get rid of all the lingering animal proteins in our, you know, systems. We could start in the morning with kale shakes.
BowWow: We’re fucking carnivores, Minnie! Kale! What the fuck? Kale. Are you serious? I’m not eating that shit. It’s just grass. Bad, fucking grass, like they have on the back lawn, that shit that grows after all the decent grass dies, like in August. Kale. Jesus.
Minnie: You’re so crazy, BowWow. Sometime I can’t believe how crazy you are. But I sure love you. You know that, right?
7 Comments on “Minnie and BowWow Discuss Gluttony”
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Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
When I was a kid, our Doberman ate 10 pounds of sirloin intended for a family dinner. Her stomach almost hung to the floor. But she was a happy camper. Glutinous, but happy.
Did this really happen? The ham, I mean. Diego once ate 6 pork chops out of the pan as they were cooking and ate all the Xmas cookies off the table last night. Oh these dogz!!!
Yes. It happened. And it was a spiral sliced super fancy ham. Unbelievable. The theft of 6 pork chops is pretty impressive. Hat’s off to Diego!
But you win. And he looks like a little dog. Diego also ate three dozen cookies last year when the plumber left the door open. I cannot convince people that this is vital. Did this happen recently? Love your depiction of the crime.
It happened a long time ago. But lives on in our dog family history.
As such stories do. Come in handy when we run out of topics, don’t they???
I had a whole series of these dog to dog conversations – I bring them out now and then for another airing. 🙂