Lead Me to the Well

It’s hot and I need a shower and my bra is as tight as a Civil War bandage for a mortal chest wound. It’s been a long day.

I spent a half hour in Walgreen’s this afternoon looking for the world’s tiniest bottle of Vitamin D oil for babies, something I never knew existed until the pediatrician told my daughter to get it for her week-old baby. I later found out that breastfed babies need Vitamin D oil. I should know the reason why – it’s something about how a body does or doesn’t manufacture its own Vitamin D. I know the sun is involved but I’m not clear on the dynamics. Anyway, the doc also said to keep the baby out of the direct sun so maybe that’s why she needs the wee oil.

I’m not a person who knows a lot of facts but I did track down that Vitamin D oil in a store with a wall of vitamins. The magic oil was hidden aisles away next to the infant nail clippers. Of course. My years stocking the shelves of my dad’s Ben Franklin store gave me a solid foundation in the principles of merchandise placement.

If I was to buy Vitamin D oil for a baby, what else might I buy? Would I also buy Vitamin C or B or Zinc or any other vitamin in-between or would I be more likely to buy a baby thermometer or baby lotion? See? There’s such cleverness in retail. It took me a while to reason all of this out, there being no one around to assist.

I detest being in a store where there is no “help,” where there is no obvious person to ask where something is. I hate looking down aisle after aisle hoping to see someone in a store vest and hate even more when I find someone and that someone gives me an aisle number. “It’s in Aisle 12 near the pancake mix.”

My father always said “Don’t tell people where something is. Lead them to it.” My dad had a lot of retail-focused shibboleths that could be inflated to be life advice although he never meant what he said to be taken as any more than how to run a proper five and dime store. Still.

If you are looking for the Vitamin D oil for babies, just ask me. I will lead you to the well.