Minnie and BowWow Leave Detox

BowWow: Man, that was a real bitch.

Minnie: Well, it’s something we had to do. Things were getting out of control. I feel a lot cleaner now. Don’t you, BowWow?

BowWow: Not really. Everything’s still for shit except now we’re not toasted.

Minnie: I’m glad Betty Ford had a K-9 Unit. I loved that canine-competent care and the dog-centered services. It made me feel precious and valued.

BowWow: Oh, you were precious before we went there, Minnie, but not in the way you think. You, with your nose always in the air, you were as fucked up as me.

Minnie: Well, I realize now that I was an enabler and I’m sorry about that. But you have to admit you were the primary sot.

BowWow: I was the primary sot? What the fuck? The primary sot. I just went off the deep end when some bad shit went down.

Minnie: You mean the election?

BowWow: Well, we did get admitted November 9th. Remember? We tied one on and then there was the big, giant motherfucker of a hangover, and then the people had that stupid ass intervention where they all sat around us in the kitchen, next to our bowls. Shit.

Minnie: They were just looking out for our best interests.

BowWow: That’s nuts. Who puts dogs in fucking detox? Across the country in a center named for some Republican chick? Shit.

Minnie: She was a great Republican lady. She was pro-choice. She was a feminist. She talked about her breast cancer and her addiction publicly. And she had beagles. They told us that when we came in. Sort of a history lesson. Who knew there were such Republicans?

BowWow: Ancient fucking history. Shit.

Minnie: Do you have to swear constantly?

BowWow: Yes.

Minnie: I think we need to let go and let God, you know, take it one day at a time, fake it til we make it. Weren’t you sick and tired of being sick and tired, BowWow?

BowWow: Jesus H., Minnie. This isn’t group. This is us. Normal dogs don’t talk like that.

Minnie: Sure, they do. Say it with me: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change/Courage to change the things I can/ And wisdom to know the difference. Come on, we have to do this. Otherwise, we’re doomed. Take my paw.


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