Dear Woman Married to a Man Who Likes Donald Trump Because He Speaks His Mind

Photo: Sue Ogracki, AP
Photo: Sue Ogracki, AP

There are nice words for it. Some say Donald Trump’s message resonates with working class white men. Some say Donald Trump is speaking to that group’s economic woes, giving voice to their frustration, shining a light on a neglected demographic – white men who get no respect.

To posit that Trump supporters are acting out of their economic interests is ridiculous. If they were, they’d be advocating for raising the minimum wage and reducing barriers to education and training. But that’s not their deal. Their deal is road rage.

A few weeks ago, on our narrow residential street, I slowed to let an oncoming car through but I didn’t do it fast enough. He sped up, jammed on the brakes when he came up next to me, rolled down his window and yelled at me. I had bothered him, disrespected him, didn’t defer quick enough, got in the way, cost him valuable time, so he felt justified yelling at me. Heaven forbid I’d cut him off in a lane change. I’d probably be dead now.

So this grossly disproportionate reaction to my momentary hesitation in ceding the road to this man came from where? And why does he think it’s okay to get so mad and so rude to a woman driving a car that happened to ‘get in his way?’

Because anger is his thing. It’s his man evidence. He’s not going to let some ‘lesser-than’ like me disrespect him. He’s not going to allow my hesitation to stand because it shows that I was debating whether to let him go first and I shouldn’t have had to debate the question. Of course, he should go first. He’s the man, after all.

Women whose men like Donald Trump because he speaks his mind need to be careful. Because it’s not possible to endorse Donald Trump without endorsing his fundamental philosophy. Women are inferior.

There is no way to pretty it up or explain it away. No amount of apology will work. Donald Trump’s extraordinary sexism is in a class so extreme that a word has yet to be developed to describe it properly.  So when your man smiles at the TV and says, “Yeah, that guy is really saying what needs to be said,” you need to start considering your life options because where you are is not safe for children or other living creatures. There is a very short hop between disdain for women and their abuse. Sorry, but it’s true.

So what do you do if you’re a woman married to a man who likes Donald Trump because he speaks his mind (and by this, I mean both Donald Trump’s and your husband’s)?

After you’re done being careful, you decide to get honest with yourself. It’s not okay that your partner agrees with a guy who seems to think all women are cunts. It’s not funny or cute, nor is it something to tolerate in light of the ‘bigger message,’ as if there actually is one. It’s not a side issue because trade with China or building a wall and making Mexico pay for it are bigger issues. Oh, gee, it’s okay that Trump hates women as long as he’ll make a better ‘deal’ with China. Don’t buy that junk. It’s crazy. If you do, you’re the idiot Trump thinks you are. Sorry. Truth.

So if your man is headed to the polls to pull the lever for Donald Trump. Follow him. And vote for anyone else. X out his vote. Cancel him and his misogynist vote. You never have to say a word about it. Just stay alert, have a bag packed and keep one eye on the door.






10 Comments on “Dear Woman Married to a Man Who Likes Donald Trump Because He Speaks His Mind

  1. More obviously true today than four years ago. Your words have survived the test of time. I am so sick of this man that mere impeachment will not do. I crave laryngitis as well. His, not mine.

  2. I like your post, and agree with what you say here, but the section about road rage takes up half of the article unnecessarily. I do disagree with your assertion that there is no proper label for Trump’s attitudes toward women, and you used the word yourself: misogynist. When writing on the web, a little editing goes a long way. I hope that my comments are seen as constructive.

    • We all write our essays in our own quirky ways. This particular piece was featured by BlogHer last week; I’m pretty sure the reason was the personal angle (the road rage). Thanks for stopping by and for your comment.

  3. Thanks, Jan. I like what you say. I’m also comforted that my Republican friends–white men and white women–don’t like Donald Trump at all. We’ll see what happens…

  4. Very well said, Jan. I am really sick of hearing from both Trump and Cruz that they are sick of political correctness. What they are saying is that they want to spew hate and foulness whenever they want against whoever isn’t exactly like them. It is pretty sobering that anyone who supports Trump has joined the white supremacist party that also is against white (and all other) females. There is a e-petition going around to allow guns in the Republican convention. My daughter signed it out of principle (I will when it comes my way) – she thinks they should have to live in what they advocate for. It should make the convention even more interesting when they call for duels over what is said about wives. Speaking about that – it really irks me when men think they have to defend me against insults, rape, violence. What a double insult. Oops, look what you made me do – you made me rant on. She started it, everyone, and my mom can beat her mom up.

  5. What a wonderful satire and well said…after the sexism perhaps one could deal with his racism, his homophobia, protectionism, anti-refugee, Islamophobia and the rest.

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