Minnie and BowWow Talk on the Back Porch

BowWow: It pisses me off when she finally comes home and then it’s all like hurry up and run outside and pee.

Minnie: You let stuff bother you. It’s okay what she does. She feeds us afterward so who cares?

BowWow: You’d do better if you had some standards and stop acting like everything they do is such a big fucking favor.

Minnie: Well, it is kind of a favor. I was pretty much an orphan when they took me in.

BowWow: Oh, please. Orphan. You stop being an orphan when you grow up which is something you ought to try doing. You know what being an orphan means? Endless fucking gratitude. Alright already. So they took me in. That means I have to bow and scrape for fucking ever?

Minnie: I wish you wouldn’t swear so much.

BowWow:You need to stop being so polite and assert yourself. There’s more to life than being a toady to the people. And there’s nothing wrong with swearing. Did you hear them last night? Sitting out here on the porch? Him with that cigar and her with that glass of wine that is fucking attached to her hand? Come on. Get in the mix, man. This isn’t Toyland here. This is fucking real.

Minnie:You’re always so hostile when you’re out here and then we’re inside and you’re the first one to jump on the couch. It makes me think sometimes that you are insincere. Maybe you aren’t being your true self with the people. It hurts my heart, especially after all they’ve done for us.

BowWow: It ‘hurts your heart’? Are you fucking kidding me? You’re a fucking dog, Minnie, not some New Age guy charging folks $5,000 to hang out in a sweat lodge. ‘Hurt your heart.’ Let me go eat some grass and puke a little. I’ll be right back.

Minnie: You can try to shame me but it won’t work. I love them. They rescued me. Without them, I would be nothing. A cur. On the street. Emaciated. Lonely.

BowWow: Yeah, well, I’d be taking the north side apart. Yeah, I kind of bounced around before I came here. I grant you that. It was no picnic getting too big for Wanda’s purse. But I would’ve figured it out on the streets. I’m no fucking sissy, you know. I got balls.

Minnie: Oh yes. You have balls. I see that. They’re small but very nice. Round.