Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
What’s Next is Beautiful
More and more, I want to bust out. Change things up. Be redder.
It’s about ownership, admission, sitting still, standing up, wearing my skin like a second skin, buying smaller jeans, reaching across the table for what I want, not waiting to have a glass of wine, having it now.
Breaking red.
It’s what’s after the deep grieving that comes with aging.
Blooming red.
It’s delicious to rip off the mourning clothes and go naked.
9 Comments on “What’s Next is Beautiful”
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Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
So beautiful. So perfect. Words that could only be written by someone deeply aware of the power and destruction and grace of aging.
You know that quote that is so often mis-attributed to Nelson Mandela…. but was actually the wisdom of Marianne Williamson? The one about letting our light shine….and in so doing giving others permission to do the same? I often think of this idea when I encounter your writing and thinking. I consider you a mentor, a role model, even though we rarely, if ever, see each other in person these days. I imagine there are many other younger women (and people) who feel the same. I sense your freedom, your willingness to just let go of toeing the line and playing the games. You are so willing to speak the truth, no matter the consequences. That is endlessly inspiring to me.
Found it. Here you go: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world. There’s nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we’re liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” — Marianne Williamson
You do that for me.
What you said stopped me in my tracks. I was at the Art Museum at the Ebony Fashion Fair exhibit which was extraordinary, made the more so by the presence of our younger daughter who is herself very fashionable and her father in his Brewers baseball gear. He turned to me and asked what I was reading because I was so obviously rapt and overwhelmed and it was your comment.
Wow, Jan. Thanks for telling me that. I love the way you described it, too. The image makes me smile. I meant what I said!
I don’t think people have paid a lot of attention to the grieving that takes place with aging. Maybe as we acknowledge it, we will be able to name it and not have it settle in as depression. I haven’t written in a while – maybe it is time to do one that has been nudging me.
I’m done with grieving and being depressed. And I don’t have a clue how that happened. I feel a sense of freedom and accomplishment simply based on having lived this long. It’s a big deal to have gotten this far. I aim to celebrate that until I can’t.
More power to you! Your words inspire us all. Cheers to really living! What a bright bit of sunlight your post has been!
Thank you! It’s a weird attitude shift that just came out of nowhere. But I’m grateful and I’m keeping it.
Right on, sister/cousin/friend!