I Just Don’t Get It

Somewhere in the attic of this house, maybe in a shoebox or an old paper bag, are a dozen love letters I received long ago from a boyfriend (not the one who lives here). I’ve often thought that I’d be wise to get up there and find them amidst the boxes of family photographs, kids’ swimming trophies, ancient camping gear including some freeze dried stroganoff that probably predates Christianity. And once I find them, I’d be wiser still to dispose of same since I don’t want my children woot, wooting in the attic after the guests have left my wake. Some things, I think, they don’t need to find.

So it comes as no surprise to me a person could write or say something to another person with whom he/she is involved that would make us all want to plug our ears and do that babbling thing people do. Oh God, I don’t want to hear that! Of course you do. Don’t lie.

Remember a few years back, Prince Charles getting caught in a phone conversation with his lover, now wife, Camilla, in which he, the HEIR TO THE THRONE OF THE UNITED KINGDOM, tells her he wishes he could be her tampon? Seriously, kiddos. Go Google it. I kid you not as my old dad would say.

The prince had the misfortune of having his cooing taped and then splashed all over the UK’s amazingly trashy press. And we all wonder why his mother refused to take off the crown. Little Buster had judgment problems – as in not having any. So mom decided to wait until the next generation came of age.

Now it’s Anthony Weiner, a very smart guy who learned somewhere in a wacky ‘how to be a gross guy’ workshop that sending pictures of his penis to women is a super cool thing to do. Really sexy. But unlike Prince Charles, Mr. Weiner’s pen pals were multiple. This makes it all the more mystifying to me. What do we think was the response of women who received these special dick pics?

Wow!

How did you do that?

One of my former sports heroes, Brett Favre, did the same thing. By the time he did it or at least we heard about it, he had fallen so far from grace that it sort of didn’t matter. But it still baffled me. Brett Favre was/is a really good looking guy – I wouldn’t blame him for sending pictures of himself. You know, his face or his head and shoulders or even a full body shot – all would be fine. I just don’t get the penis gambit at all. How does that work for a woman to get a picture of a guy’s penis on her PHONE?

Is this an age thing? Like how I stopped adding new music to my mind after the Rolling Stones heyday? And still think I should be wearing pantyhose when everyone else has bare legs? Is it a question of my not keeping up with the latest thing?

Have I not evolved? Is that it? I just don’t get it.