A Row of Twenty Trumpets

[Prompt: Share five things you’re good at.)

What five things am I good at? Why stop at five things? I can think of twenty things I’m good at.

I’m good at…

1. Writing things fast.
2. Making decisions with lifelong consequences in minutes.
3. Convincing people to drive down dirt roads.
4. Signing up for events and classes I never attend.
5. Imagining myself as an extremely tall person.
6. Pretending to hear people.
7. Cooking things with Campbell’s soup.
8. Mentoring younger colleagues.
9. Knowing what I think.
10. Being loyal to deserving pieces of clothing.
11. Driving my convertible at 70 mph on the freeway past semi-trucks.
12. Knowing how to be stupid without being ignorant.
13. Keeping my rage at white men’s supremacy in the United States under control.
14. Encouraging other people to buy expensive things that will make them happy.
15. Going back to the same places to see the light I loved the first time.
16. Finding reasons to leave things early.
17. Being alone and on foot in the city.
18. Clearing dead plants and leaves from last year’s garden.
19. Avoiding false modesty.
20. Officiating funerals, well, a funeral, one funeral.

To those who can’t find something to brag about, I say this. Look harder. No one benefits from your self-deprecation, it’s boring and depressing. It’s a grey sweater with grey pants.  I’m impatient with self-deprecation, the shy batting of eyes, the looking at one’s shoes, it makes me want to move down the buffet line to the strawberry Jello.

_________________

Originally published in 2016