Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
Nellie is Nervous but You’d Never Know It
I always worry I left the oven on.
Then I worry about my kids, one after the other, like I’m behind the deli counter and they’re customers, each holding a number in their hand.
Twenty seven! Thirty nine! Sixty one!
And then, of course, there is the worry about aging beyond the pale (I am old at this moment but not what I would consider to be beyond the pale). And death, of course, not mine, but the old man’s. A few weeks ago I sent my U.P. stories to an editor for a first read through – which ones were ready, which ones not so much, what ought to hit the bin. Her editorial letter included the observation that my characters are nearly always older women dealing with men who are dying, drowning, already dead. In one story, it was a dog that was drowning. Same difference.
I am always waiting for someone to be hit by a bus. It’s indelible. Cellular. Catastrophizing. It’s a thing.
This morning, while my husband was forming up his plan to reignite the pilot light on the water heater, I asked him if he laid on the still damp floor (from the flood a few days ago) and pushed the water heater ignition whether he would electrocute himself. I saw this as a risk.
He laughed that chortle like laugh that I like so much but I was not reassured.
So in answer to the question, “What brings you peace?” Not very much.
I’m not a nervous wreck, despite the foregoing examples of worrying. I function pretty much like a normal person except when I change lanes on the freeway I think I’m about to see the face of God. No one, well, maybe the old man, knows that I have a festival of worries in my head, a State Fair of worries with different barns and people wandering every which way eating things on sticks.
It’s all good, though. No worries.
One Comment on “Nellie is Nervous but You’d Never Know It”
Leave a Reply
Recent Comments
 | GD on Ah. The Hard-Boiled Truth |
 | Jan Wilberg on Ah. The Hard-Boiled Truth |
| GD on Ah. The Hard-Boiled Truth |
 | lifelessons on It’s Usually Right in Fr… |
| lifelessons on It’s Usually Right in Fr… |
Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
well, I guess you could say that at least you have a consistent theme to your worry.) also, you are a person who cares about people and what happens to them, especially those closest to you, you are ever vigilant, on the watch for perceived possible dangers, the leader of your tribe, wanting to be sure they’re safe at all times.similar to a sentinel, a living gargoyle if you will, ever at the ready, at the watch, and I mean this in a good way. love your u.p. stories, so hopefully it’s a go.