Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
My Problem is I Have a Broken Heart
I have to admit I’m having trouble collecting myself.
There is so much to sort out. Plus, it is winter here, seemingly forever.
In my official capacity as the chair of the local commission on aging, I had a lunch meeting with a staff person from our Republican U.S. senator’s office. We met at the dining program in a local senior center because we wanted him to be in the midst of people who would be affected by things like Social Security breaches and cuts in Medicaid funding for long-term care.
The Republican senator’s staff person listened carefully and took notes. He asked questions and smiled a lot. I felt like the bitterness that I’ve been carrying around dissipated just for a few minutes.
I worried that his lunch got cold while we talked. It was Cajun chicken and red beans and rice, functional but not great. One of our group took his lunch to heat up in the microwave and then we all sat quietly while he said a quite lengthy grace with his eyes closed and head bowed.
He said he’d like to meet again – have it be a regular thing – and that he appreciated meeting in a senior center. I liked that quite a bit, actually what I liked was not feeling a furious hatred for someone because he was a Republican. But I know a nice little lunch changes nothing. The staff person’s boss, the Republican senator, will still vote the way he is supposed to vote, say things he’s supposed to say, and avoid conversations that could go south. No one likes angry constituents.
The anger, though, is persistent and corrosive. Righteous anger is energizing but chronic anger weakens people, makes them tight-lipped and unsmiling, blackens their optimism, and kills their sense of humor. The social workers among us advise pacing ourselves, finding balance, doing, you know, a lot of self-care. I guess that’s good.
All I know is that when I wake up I look out the window at the snow covering the house across the street and I’m happy until I remember for the umpteenth time that my country broke up with me.
I’ll get it together. I’ll find a keel to get even on. It’ll all be fine. In the long run. A very long run.
9 Comments on “My Problem is I Have a Broken Heart”
Leave a Reply
Recent Comments
Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
I knew I was sad beyond belief….disappointed, angry, depressed, and feeling hopeless. But I think A Broken Heart” says it all. Thank you for your words.
We have to come back from it and be strong. But it’s really hard.
Broken hearted is how I feel, too. I’m trying not to be bitter. I don’t think bitter would be a good fit for me. But I’m having a difficult time being optimistic.
Yes – nearly impossible to be optimistic, for sure. I’m working on not being a wreck. And I think that’s coming along a little. Ugh.
I really get this and amazing you could contain your anger
He was such a nice guy – actually impossible to be angry at him. The senator he represents, well, a much different story.
I’m exactly your age, and exactly as angry and sad as you are. I’ve made new rules for myself, but I still have setbacks. One is “No news until 9:00 pm.” That stops me from endless scrolling and gasping at every outrageous headline. The other is “Stay involved.” At first I wanted to crawl into my little hole and hibernate. Neighbors and friends and friends-of-friends had voted to do this to our country, and I just couldn’t bear it. But hibernating and pretending it’s not happening won’t solve anything. I’ve been using the 5Calls app every day and trying to do something good for myself every day. Even just a ten minute walk in the snow and cold with my dog makes me forget things, if only for ten minutes.
Yes to not tuning in until Rachel Maddow’s on. 🙂 And agree that 5Calls is a godsend. Committed to using it every day. And thank God for dogs and dog parks and, lately, some decent sun.
Your grace inspires me.