Rennie’s Log Slide Dream: Part Three

Rennie broke her gaze at him to stoop over and open her backpack. She felt tears welling up. “How about a granola bar? I have two. And trail mix. With M & M’s.”

            “Who could resist that offer? I’m Peter, by the way.” He peeled the wrapper off the granola bar and took a small, dainty bite. He sure didn’t have much of an appetite.

            “I’m Rennie. Well, my given name is Annette but my little brother turned it into Rennie and Rennie it’s stayed.” She sat down on a rock a couple yards from Peter. “You know, most people would call the authorities to come get you. I’m feeling a little weird here.”

            Peter balanced the barely-eaten granola bar on his knee. “So, Rennie, you given any thought to how you want your life to end?”

            “Fast. Like a fatal heart attack or falling off a cliff.” They both laughed. “No lingering illness. And for God’s sake, no nursing home!”

            “Well, listen to you. We just met and we’re in total agreement about life and death. Pretty amazing, if you ask me.” Peter crossed and uncrossed his legs the way people do when their legs ache and they can’t get comfortable.

            “I guess so, but I’m pretty torn about all this.” She waved her arms around, gesturing to him, the dune, the whole, endless lake.  “I’m a good person. I can’t just let somebody die.” Rennie wondered if she should call for help anyway. Was Peter capable of making this kind of decision? He seemed to be. He seemed good. Solid.

            He considered her for a minute. “You’re not letting somebody die. You’re letting them be. That’s a good thing. That’s what we all ought to do.”

            “So, I should just – what? Climb back up the dune? Like I didn’t just meet a guy who was going to take his own life and didn’t do anything to stop him?”

            “Exactly. You’ve got a bucket list to take care of. The dune awaits.” Peter smiled in a sly, almost flirty way. Rennie felt a rush like all she wanted was to set up camp with Peter and reread Tom Lake and, when it got dark, look at the Big Dipper and maybe find some shooting stars.. She looked up at the dune and back at Peter.

            “I could stay and just hold your hand.” Peter shrugged ever so slightly. Rennie nodded. “You don’t want anybody to hold your hand. I get it. I guess.” Peter smiled and said, “Actually, if you’d like to come over here and hold hands, that’d be nice.”

            It was awkward. She wasn’t sure how close to sit next to him. She’d just met him, should their legs be touching if they are side by side? Should she hold his hand like she was shaking hands with an old friend? Peter patted the sand next to him.

            “Sit here. So I don’t have to reach for you.” So, Rennie sat next to him, leaned up against the sand wall under the grassy overhang. She stretched out her legs so they lined up with his and then held out her hand. He took her hand in both of his and brought it to his lips. It was the tiniest of kisses. He’d probably charmed dozens of women in his lifetime with just this one gesture. Rennie knew that but she didn’t care. Her hand felt softened, like butter in the sun.

            “Tell me one thing I wouldn’t guess about you.” Peter rested her hand in his on top of his jeans. His thumb moving softly back on forth on the back of her hand.

            “I’m afraid.” She’d thought of long answers but it was the short answer that was true.

            “You’re afraid. Of what?” He’d been gazing at the Lake but turned to look her in the eye.

            “Getting older. Losing my marbles. Not having any friends. Doing Log Slide.”

            “But you’re here. You’ve done half of Log Slide. And met an amazing man and became his friend – all within about an hour. Impressive!” He let go of her hand then and put his arm around her shoulders. She leaned in.

            “I think I want to stay down here with you.” These were crazy words, she knew that much, but said them anyway.

            “And do what? Hand me my pills, one by one? And then what? Bury me at sea? I don’t think so.” He laughed again, that big glowing, iridescent laugh. She would crawl inside him to have that laugh, live in that laugh. She didn’t want him to know this. It was preposterous. But she knew he knew, how he held his arm around her shoulders said as much.

            “You should go.” Peter said this resolutely like her father might instruct her to finish her cereal and get herself to the bus stop for school. “You want to give yourself plenty of time to get to the top – it’s getting dark earlier. Lordy, you don’t want to be stumbling around in the dark on that damn dune.”

            Rennie stood. She picked up her backpack from its place near the log. “Okay. I’m going. But I’m going to keep thinking about you for a long time.”

            “And me, you.”

            She started up the dune, first one foot dug in and then another. Grief came with her, missing a man, a stranger, she’d only just met. She crouched forward into a crawl and it was smooth going for about fifty feet and then she heard Peter yell, “Hey Rennie!”

She stopped climbing. Maybe he changed his mind and wanted her to come back. Then Peter bellowed, so loud the sailors on the long-gone freighter might have heard him. “THANK YOU!”