Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
Change is in the Air
I am writing to you from the cozy living room in our house on Lake Superior. The afternoon was spent sorting through books, emptying out the desk, and separating various keepsakes for home or Goodwill. When we got tired of this, we drank beer and ate popcorn on the deck. Superior was flat and grey all day, much like our mood, like when you know divorce is inevitable and so you focus on who gets the good towels.
We are selling our place.
Today was the first swipe at thinning out the layers of twenty-five years of accumulation – rocks, many rocks, each of which looked amazing on the beach but dulled in the house; photographs, both framed and loose, us much younger, dogs we have loved, visitors; and rivers of playing cards, large and small, stacked in a desk drawer long ago. We don’t play cards.
We’ve thought about selling for a long time. I was the barrier, the one of us that couldn’t let go even though time here had become predictable and formless. And then it came to me – yes, I have history with you, Lake Superior, yes, we’ve spent so much time together, watched so many dawns and sunsets, laughed and danced to wild Irish music, ate scrambled eggs and blueberry pancakes with the wind in our hair, flown kites with grand kids and lain naked on the wooden planks of our sauna – but I’m done with you.
I love the city more.
I love the road more.
Tomorrow, the realtor comes over for a chat. We’ve been working with her for months but tomorrow will set things in more forward motion. A For Sale sign will go up soon. Five years ago, that would break my heart. Now, it feels like an amicable divorce where I get all the good towels. It’s hard to explain.
A great love can be a great love but not last forever. I know that much to be true.
9 Comments on “Change is in the Air”
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Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
Thanks for sharing this big change with us. I wore a sad-sweet smile as I read your words, thinking of the discussions I have with Jim about things we need to let go of and things we want to hang onto a little while longer. The life-long cost/benefit analysis that continues to take place, seems to have taken on a different under-current that I can’t quite describe.
I get it.
While no Superior Great Lake was involved, we too had to depart our home of 43 years. Memories are pathway to Hope for the future. We will cherish our memories of your Superior place. Hope you will find new peace in new places.
The house may go, but the memories will stay… 🙂
Ah Jan, our connections are interesting… we both were in Grand Marais, (you part time, me full time) and never met in person , I left to go back to the Keweenaw three years ago, you are selling now… we both have two cochlear implants, allowing us to hear and ,much of the time , understand the spoken word. We both are deaf without magic processors attached to our heads. We’ve both been active in serving our communities. (Me currently not so much.) I’m sending good thoughts your way as you pack the good towels! 💕
One of our goals is to spend time in the Keweenaw. We’re taking our little red van your way some time soon!
Oh my! I am surprised, although I have no reason to be really…but I do feel a small bit of sentimental attachment given the stories and pictures you have shared of the house on the shore of the incredibly huge lake… I hope the process is a smooth one.
Ah … Letting go. You describe it well. Thank you, Jan, for evoking memories, which I can hang on to.
i can understand this and these feelings. when i sold my house after 18 years, (and the very first house i bought on my own after my divorce and years of living in rentals), it was hard, but i was ready for a change and the house and i had been good together, and now it was time for someone else to love it like i did. i have some of these feelings with my retirement as well, it will all be upon me in a couple of weeks, and i do absolutely love what i do with my working days, but i want to end it while i still love it, and yearn for what is next. doing less, not taking on more. best to you in this transition