Five Takeaways from Six Days on the Road

Always have the fixings for a sandwich in your vehicle. Then, if you miss the elusive but delectable Steak ‘n Shake, which has burgers to die for and amazing milkshakes, you can pull up to the parking lot of St. Julian’s Winery and make lunch while your dogs lie in the sun and passers-by make nice remarks about your little red camper van. We bought red and white wine, vodka, and bourbon at the winery and then we made ham and cheese sandwiches with a side of potato salad, washed down by water out of a gallon jug. It was deluxe.

Travel with a good sport. A complainer can shit-can a great trip in minutes. I am often the complainer, but I tried my best not to be on this trip. I complained bitterly about the overbearing NO ALCOHOL admonishments from 25-year-old park rangers until we made a fire and my husband, the Intrepid Howard (IH) went in the van and filled two coffee cups with red wine. That was also deluxe. The park ranger came by later, scaring the shit out of me, to tell us we were camped two sites down from the site we said we were taking. Luckily, IH saw her coming and hid the coffee cups. Otherwise, we might be in the pokey, as they say in Michigan.

Take it easy on the fudge. We were doing okay until we hit Mackinaw City where there was, of course, the inevitable fudge shop. So we had to. If you’re from Michigan, you know that fudge buying anywhere within fifty miles of Mackinac Island is obligatory. They give you a little plastic knife to cut the fudge into little, tiny pieces. So spare and civilized, but, apparently, the little, tiny pieces stack up. IH just stopped in to say that he’d ‘gained a stone’ on this trip. He’s not alone.

It’s up to you, but I draw the line at taking a shower in a shower that had leaves and twigs on the floor. And while the park ranger might say that the hot water is working, it doesn’t matter if there are six drops a minute coming out and you are standing naked in a 45-degree morning (with leaves and twigs on the floor). So, because of my shower snobbery, I showed up at my old friend’s house in Hastings not having had a shower in three days. She made us breakfast and gave us homemade cinnamon rolls anyway.

You don’t have to know where you’re going to go there. We just drove and figured it out as we went. We used a paper map because if you don’t know exactly where you want to go, GPS isn’t all that helpful. We pulled up next to people mowing their lawns and asked them for directions. We got lost. And then found. Like the song says. You can get found driving around the countryside. I know this from experience.