Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
Splash
When a person gets older, a lot of the narrative around their existence plays on the theme of loss. One becomes a study of subtraction.
Didn’t you used to be important?
Didn’t you used to have a houseful of children?
Didn’t you used to be able to walk for miles with no complaint?
You must be sad that you’ve lost those things, so the narrative goes. You must feel hollowed out, ‘a shadow of your former self,’ weakened, thin, and pale. Old age, the thinking goes, is about yearning for the past, grieving the loss of status and responsibility and stamina.
And then other people’s opinions of you center on how well you’ve withstood all this tremendous loss, how well you are coping with aging and not being the person you used to be. But, of course, the flaw in all this pity is that it presupposes that the lifestyle of a younger person – with a big job and huge family responsibilities and the ability to huff and puff for miles – is the ideal.
Maybe it is. I had all those things I loved them while I had them. But I don’t miss any of it. I let it go.When you hold on to the past, it becomes burdensome. Who you were gets in the way of who you are now. The piling up gets heavy and depressing, but I’m beyond that.
Every day I feel like I’m taking off another layer – a too scratchy sweater, a thick hoodie, a flannel shirt with buttons missing – so I can stand on the edge of the raft and dive into the lake. I want to feel naked of expectations and responsibility and other people’s caricatures of aging.
I want to strip and dive head first.
Everyone has their time. And each time is precious and perfect. We don’t know that right away but, if we’re lucky, we come to know it.
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Photo by Todd Quackenbush on Unsplash
7 Comments on “Splash”
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Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
I love the quietness here — not fighting age. Not weeping for lost figures, or abilities, or futures that didn’t come about. Thus not mourning the fact that it’s taken me this long to find your wonderful blog. I’m signed up and looking forward.
Thank you, Judy. I’m so glad.
I appreciate your perspective. Here’s an amendment, based on one life. When a person experiences loss up close and personal, a part of the past is always present. As an author you might say, a new chapter beckons. My response would be the previous chapter continues to exist. Keep up the good work in your various pursuits.
Loved your essay. It coincides with my mantra as well. Merry Christmas
Thanks Donna – I’m glad to hear that other people are on the same wavelength. Merry Christmas to you, too!
Nice post, Jan. I let go of many of my expectations of how I should “have” our Christmas celebration with family this year – and had my happiest family gathering ever yesterday. I hadn’t thought of describing it as freedom, but is do feel freer and lighter. Wishing you a safe and happy holiday season – on your terms.
This is so true! I love this essay. I’m going to save it and reread it when I need reminding of how true it is.