Friday Round-Up: Tardy

I wrote about leaving the stove on last week and everyone rushed to recommend their favorite memory care facility. I’m fine, no dottier than I was a year ago or ten years ago, leaving on the stove being something of a habit that might fall under the category of eccentricity rather than Alzheimer’s Disease but then again I’ve read that denial is a hallmark feature of dementia. So, defenseless, I move to another topic.

Watching the Kavanaugh confirmation hearing this week laid me low and gave me hope at the same time. That we are playing hide and seek with the right to choose 45 years after Roe v. Wade is viscerally upsetting, exacerbated by Senator Susan Collins’ wavering voice telling us that she believes Judge Kavanaugh’s nonsense statement that Roe v. Wade is settled law. Women will be hurt by her lack of courage. Then we have Senator Kamala Harris who reminds us that there is, among us, a warrior class.

My daughter sent me video of her 14-year old daughter, my granddaughter, running a cross-country race. She is tall and lean, running toward the camera and then past. She looks Olympian to me, her head erect and eyes focused on the finish line, her arms pumping just so slightly. She is a quiet soul but looks fierce running and I think maybe the running has changed her view of the world. She looks like she feels powerful.

My husband read a republished post of mine called My Favorite Mistake (which was marrying him) and has been referring to himself as “FM” all day. By late afternoon, he’d sorted out that even while I’d called him my “favorite mistake,” he or at least marrying him was something I’d classified under the broad heading of “mistake.” It seemed to unsettle him but not for long. He’s resilient that way.

Age gives a person gravitas, heft, but only if a person wants to wear it, use it, feel comfortable in it, enjoy it. Many people don’t. They choose shrinking instead. I see why, it’s so tempting to shrink, draw back, reduce oneself to whatever harmless thing seems most familiar. But I am not tempted. Age makes me strong in places younger people haven’t discovered, wiser in ways I never imagined, patient and surrendering in my judgments, and deeply aware of the vastness of the world. I see what couldn’t be seen before. Because I am old. It’s amazing.

Photo by Sebastián León Prado on Unsplash