Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
Chop
I’ve fallen out of love with my work.
You know the de-cluttering mantra that says to rid yourself of anything that doesn’t give you joy? Well, my work, my paid work, might be on its way to Goodwill.
I never saw it coming.
Older friends tipped me off. We’d be hard charging arm in arm and, all of a sudden, they’d wander off and come back wearing forest ranger hats. What the heck? I’d think. What’s with the forest ranger hats? My friends would look at me, smile, and shrug. Oh, it was time for a new challenge, they’d say.
But don’t you care about all our hard-charging? There are so many problems to solve, a hundred studies to do, needs to assess, workshops to run, invoices to send, and checks to come in the mail. No, they’d answer. We don’t care about that anymore. It’s somebody else’s turn.
A few weeks ago, in a meeting with a client, the question came up about the future. Like when the doctor hits me on the ankle with the little rubber hammer, my answer was a reflex. What about next year, he asked, are you interested?
No! I want to be a writer. It surprised me how the answer just exploded out of my mouth.
I see that there is still plenty of wood left to chop but I don’t want to be the one to chop it. It’s somebody else’s turn for that.
It’s my turn for this.
______________
Photo: Clem Onojeghuo
14 Comments on “Chop”
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Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
How lucky I am to be here to read your writing.
I’m glad you are here.
I need to chop wood being doing some things that I haven,t been doing in my home.
There are so many things I miss about work. I talked with the person who took over my job and talked to people we are working in mental health private practice. I miss the work so much – BUT I know I am finding more joy in the work I am doing in retirement. I wish you well as you make this bitter-sweet transition. It will be fun to transition from technical writing to creative writing.
There’s a certain amount of ego restructuring that has to occur, that’s for sure. And then there’s the money issue. What is it like to not make much money? And how much is money tied to what people think of their value? It’s interesting. But fun. Definitely fun to think about new options.
I felt a lot better when we talked to a financial adviser who was able to tell us, based on our standard of living, that we had plenty of money to last. It is hard to adjust to money going out without any coming in – except for the money we earn from our investments. When we take a big hunk out for a major purchase (a car this week, tires for the truck) from our bank account, we won’t have a work salary to build that savings back up. My goal is to die on the day that our money runs out. 🙂
Thanks Jan, I’m in the midst of re-thinking everything myself. Ah…time for contemplation. What a luxury after all these years!!!
Yes and framing it in terms of what do I want these next years to be about? More of the same or something surprising. It is a luxury to think about. We earned that, right?
Amen.
I’m struggling with this too, in my own small drone way. I realize I am addicted to work, to the routine and the predictability and the pattern of small rewards among the big, sometimes, frustrations. It’s what I know to do, what I’ve been doing, and my lifelong excuse for not doing what I know I must, what I am called to. Now there’s writing on the wall that says if I don’t shift gears they might just be shifted for me. I hate when that happens…Carry on, be our inspiration, our model. Or one of the crowd of us…
I guess I am bringing my ego home to roost, if that makes any sense. There’s nothing sudden or precipitous happening — just centering in on how I want to spend this sweet spot I’ve got — age, health, unfetteredness. Your writing is lovely and nuanced with so many beautiful surprises – I hope there is plenty of it to come.
Way to go ! a big surprise ?
We just have to hope there is a someone else as great as you.
Oh – I’m not going anywhere. I’m still a sucker for a great project. 🙂