Minnie and BowWow Talk About Revenge

BowWow: I’d really like to fuck that guy up.

Minnie: I know you’re upset but it’s not healthy to have such ungodly thoughts.

BowWow: Ungodly thoughts? What are you? One of those FLDS chicks in a prairie dress with rolled up bangs? I’ll give you ungodly. The guy’s an ungodly asshole.

Minnie: Are you talking about that guy across the street? I think he died.

BowWow: No. Obviously. If the asshole is already dead, I don’t need to get revenge on him. Him dying is my revenge. I’m talking about the other asshole.

Minnie: We seem to be surrounded.

BowWow: Yeah, well. No shit, Minnie. They’re everywhere. We need to do something.

Minnie: Like?

BowWow: Bark a lot. Pee on things.

Minnie: That’s it? Your big plan for revenge is comprised of barking and peeing? I’m a little underwhelmed. You know what Rumi would say? “God turns you from one feeling to another and teaches by means of opposites so that you will have two wings to fly, not one.” Isn’t that beautiful?

BowWow: What? What does that even mean? I don’t want any wings. Why the fuck would I want wings? You’re like way off topic here, Minnie. As per usual. Keep focused. The topic of the day is R-E-V-E-N-G-E.

Minnie: Really? You could spell that without the lady coming out here and writing it on your paw. So the topic is R-E-V-E-N-G-E. You know what Gandhi said, don’t you? “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.”

BowWow: Oh, BOO, HOO. Stop with the turn the other cheek shit. How about this? From a real guy. “I’m a fighter. I believe in the eye for an eye business. I’m no cheek turner. I got no respect for a man who won’t hit back. You kill my dog, you better hide your cat.” Muhammad Ali. I rest my case.

Minnie: I don’t think the asshole du jour has a cat.

BowWow: We’ll buy him one and wait.

Minnie: Okay. We’re done here. I’m going to bark to go in now.