#45 of 92: Chores, Routine, and Tiny Rituals

How do you stay resilient in hard times?

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Oh wow! I feel like I was just given the word “cat” in the fifth-grade spelling bee.

Our situation:  Our 38-year-old daughter died in June during her fifth open heart surgery. Preceding her death was a month-long hospitalization while doctors puzzled over what to do about her failing artificial heart valves. During that month and for the months since her passing, my husband and I have taken care of her little girl, now five years old. So now, we have the trifecta of grieving our daughter’s death, adjusting to life with a small child, and helping that child adjust to life without her mother.

I get resilience. Resilience and I are on a first name basis. Here’s my recipe for resilience: chores, routine, and tiny rituals. There’s also having a steady, optimistic, and endlessly supportive spouse, but not everyone has that. Everyone does have chores, routine, and tiny rituals if they choose to.

There’s always therapy. I’ve been to therapy. It’s great for helping you figure out why you feel so shitty. Therapy gives you clarity, but it leaves you hollowed out, in my opinion. Chores, routine, and tiny rituals build muscle memory – the memory of accomplishment, management, progress, and gratitude. Little good things become long stretches of good time. It’s all about the repetition, keeping the beat, day after day after day.

I’m glad the kitchen is clean.
The beef barley soup was outstanding.
The cardinal pair came back to the feeder.
The laundry is done, folded, and put away.
This morning’s back porch conversation was hilarious.
We watched The Grinch for this week’s movie night.
The three of us watch the sun come up together every morning.

That’s what I know about resilience. I’m swimming in it as we speak.