Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
I Own This Face
This is my face. For a long time I’ve wanted to disown my face. Years of smoking, laying around in the sun with no sunscreen, using cheap face creams, and basically not caring gave me drapes of wrinkles, some so deep they look intentional. Like how could someone have such significant lines on her face?
Well, my mother did. She sunned and smoked herself so much and so hard that her fair, smooth skin wizened into the face of a Kentucky dried apple doll. Loving her, I followed her path.
All right. It was unwittingly.
So for the past ten years or so, I’ve really been disowning my face. Pretending the crevices weren’t there. Making sure my hair swept across most of my forehead to take care of that rocky landscape. Just stuck in an echo of ‘say it ain’t so.’
But it was and it is. So I’ve set about owning my face. First I had my hair cut impossibly short. This forced me to not only own my whole face but also give up the unsuccessful attempt to hide my two hearing aids. Oh yes, I’m not only wrinkled, I am also increasingly deaf. I want to embrace this.
So like some stereotypical old lady wanting to look young, I got my hair chopped off and spiked, had another hole pierced in both ears, bought a pair of skinny jeans and two pairs of boots and practiced saying, “I might be somebody’s grandmother but I can still kick ass.”
Because being hot is the hardest thing of all to give up. For years, I gave up that territory to everyone younger than me. No more. Too much went into building this little masterpiece. Too many worries, late night phone calls, incredible surprises, kids that elated and disappointed, close calls, and hard work to disown or hide or apologize.
I claim what’s mine. I own it. I own this face.
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The Daily Post prompt: Face
10 Comments on “I Own This Face”
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Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
It helps to see it in print with honesty, this aging face thing. I was the first of my group to go grey, etc. and I do fine, basically, except for mirrors…One has learned to handle the bathroom mirror…selective looking…but getting a glimpse of myself in a car window going through the grocery store parking lot…that woman I have yet to own….
I hear you. It can be jolt. I’ll never be over that. I have to be in an especially serene frame of mine to truly feel at home with my face. Always working on it.
You. Kick. Ass.
You are a girl after my own heart !!! <3 Xx
btw, Judi Dench is stunning!
You look fabulous and, please take it as a compliment, that photo reminds me so much of Dame Judi Dench. 🙂
Oh that’s so funny and wonderful….because I’ve been bemoaning my Judi Dench face for a long while but now I’ve gotten to the point of really thinking it’s a compliment. Thank you.
Oh, I’m so sorry! I definitely didn’t mean to offend. I think she has a wonderful face, real, warm and genuine. 🙂
I took it as a compliment and I appreciate it. 🙂
Jan, you are always gorgeous and ultimately real. And a fabulous mentor for growing into one’s self honestly (I’m just a teeny bit behind you age-wise). Learning not to be embarrassed by the inevitable passing of time. I can still rock skinny jeans and boots and weird color hair…but not the painful red high heels.
Ah…but the red heels are too wonderful for words. 🙂
The face, the hair, the body and the mind – all gorgeeeeeeous