Go Where It’s Dark and You’ll Need to Start a Fire

What are some life hacks that you practice?

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My biggest life hack at the moment is leaving my comfortable and cozy home to go camping where I spend an hour trying to get a good campfire going, drink wine out of tiny plastic bottles from the drug store and dilute the can of chili so it goes a little further for the two of us. We weren’t that hungry anyway having eaten several chunks of cheddar cheese sliced with the old man’s jack knife like we were some bad hombres hiding in the mountains about to attack a wagon train carrying loot from St. Louis. 

Yesterday, I thought I had a death overdose. I went to a friend’s funeral. It was surreal. I hadn’t seen my friend in a couple of years, but I could still hear him laughing. I could see him laughing. It wasn’t until the end of the very beautiful service that it occurred to me that much like the day after our daughter died in June when I went to Trader Joe’s but then realized I was too weak to be there, that I shouldn’t have come. I am not ready for funerals as much as I think I should show up. There was another funeral of a friend yesterday, after my first friend’s but I didn’t go. I didn’t show up. I could not.

Last night Paulina and I sat on my bed eating peanut butter toast and apples. We split a Hersey bar and six marshmallows. I read Travels with Charley, and she painted her nails with markers. She found one of my books, opened it up to the middle, learned back on the pillows and ‘read.’ This is what I determined was the antidote to the death overdose. 

This morning, at dawn, as she does every morning, Paulina tapped me on the shoulder and then crawled into bed with me. Together, we looked out the bedroom window at a jet’s contrail soaring over the slightest pink of the sunrise. Herc, the cat, stepped his way over the pillows to say hello and I knew I’d recovered, at least temporarily. 

Today, we embarked on an overnight camping trip, just the two of us, with Paulina safely ensconced with her aunt and uncle. We found the last camping site in all of southwest Wisconsin. It’s far away from the bathroom, and oddly configured, with the picnic table many yards away in a crowd of trees. I built a fire which went well for a while, but my skills are limited and so after an hour or so it went dark. We ate chili out of a can and donuts from Kwik Trip and finished our tiny bottles of wine. I am mended by the inconvenience of all of this, the fire starting, and the bumping of my head on the camper’s roof. We figured out how to reconfigure the bed, the quilt is spread out, and sleeping is next.

It will all be okay.