Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
Driving Over the Bridge Takes Practice
Yesterday, I went shopping and then driving with my grandson who is trans. We split up for shopping but then drove off together so he could practice for his road test with the DMV. Today was the first time he drove on the freeway, a short but exhilarating run over Milwaukee’s Hoan Bridge. We were on the outside lane, the one overlooking the Milwaukee harbor and I, of course, had fleeting images of the car taking flight over the too low barrier. As I’ve done ten thousand times, I entertained the question of how to get out of a submerged car but then quickly put those thoughts out of my head. It seemed contrary to the great progress we were making on the driving education front.
We spent two hours together and I didn’t misgender him even once. It’s a first.
It’s not like this transition is new. I’d gotten hints of it while he was in high school, but it wasn’t until a week before his graduation that our grandson texted us that his name on the big screen was going to be different than his birth name. Oh my, I thought, and then ensued the seemingly endless battle of reality vs. reflex.
At a family picnic last week, I asked my grandson if he wanted another hot dog and he said yes. I grabbed a bun and the tongs and went to the grill to pick out the best one. Then I turned around and said, “Here you go, ma’am.”
I apologized. I always apologize. Sometimes I do an ‘end of the evening blanket apology,’ usually it’s mistake by mistake. I don’t have trouble with his name. It’s the pronouns that mess me up.
I need a shock collar.
As my mistakes are reflexive, so is my grandson’s forgiveness. I remember that when he takes a turn too wide or is slow to brake at a light. Grace. Taking our mistakes home with us in the backseat and tossing them in the trash. Starting out next time clean.
We’ll both get there.
________
Photo by Zach Lisko on Unsplash
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Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
Everytime I meet a new friend of my oldest grand (she/her but also uses non binary they/them) I try to ask before hand their proferred pronouns. I stumble some times. She/they have very forgiving friends.