Durant Diary: Entry #11

Durant has died.

This happened four days ago but I still can’t believe it. If I think about it for more than a second, my eyes fill up with tears. Out for a walk yesterday with Tempest, our surviving dog, I burst into tears while sitting on a park bench watching people sail. It was their first sail of the season, you could tell, because they were weaving one way and then another, full of the happiness of it all, the brightness.

In the morning when I wake up, I forget that Durant has died. And then I remember.

I loved this dog an extraordinary amount and I can’t begin to tell you why, what made him different from all the other dogs I’ve loved and there have been many.

Durant’s kidneys failed in a fast and catastrophic way. We took him to our vet and then a specialty vet on Monday, had all the tests done, said yes to IV fluids and antibiotics which he got for two days, figuring that that such a strong, hardy dog would recover. But no. The vet said he had gotten worse despite the treatment and recommended that we wait no more than a day to euthanize him to avoid him suffering. It was crushing news.

We brought him home for his final day. We sat on the back porch watching Durant and Tempest lay in the sun. I took a nap with him on the dining room floor, holding his paws like I might a sick child’s hands. Then we loaded him up in our camper van and drove to his favorite dog park where he took his last short trot. He stopped a lot, looking back at me, something he rarely did when he was well, but his tail was up the whole time, his happy stance. Back in the van, he climbed on to the bed and curled up on the old red comforter.

We took the long way back from the dog park, but at 3:00 on Wednesday afternoon, we kept our appointment and Durant sailed off without us.

This morning when I let Tempest out the back door, I could see in my mind’s eye, Durant leaping from the top step of the porch on to the yard, especially that moment when he appeared to take flight, the most improbable sight ever, this large powerful dog sailing through the air. It reminded me of the happiness of it all, the brightness. It was spectacular and fleeting.