You’re looking a little down in the mouth.


You’re a little droopy around the edges, if you don’t mind my saying so.

Well, I don’t love that you’re saying it but I probably have to agree. I had some big time dental work.

So, what’s big time in the world of dental?

Something where they have to play music and show meditation videos on the ceiling so you don’t lose your shit.

Also something where your mouth is open so long that it’s still open when you get in your car.

Was it painful?

No. Just endless. And numbing. Very numbing. There was laughing gas which was supposed to make me ‘not care’ what was happening, but they couldn’t get the nose attachment right so it leaked so I faked not caring which I’m pretty good at doing.

So, how are you doing now?

Alright. I can’t eat anything. Liquids only. So I am on protein shakes, water, beer, and now rum. The rum takes the sting out of not eating foods that need chewing. Today, I watched someone eat an enormous fresh pretzel with cheese sauce. I used to eat stuff like that – in the old days.

Forgive me for saying this, but you’re beginning to sound a little self-pitying.

Oh. Heaven-fucking-forbid that I don’t eat all my peas while children are starving somewhere in the world!

There is proportionality to consider. You know, your problems compared to other people’s problems, like Bogart says in Casablanca, they don’t amount to a “hill of beans.”

I’d like beans. Beans would be good. With cheese. And a sausage of some kind. And a few big potatoes with lots of butter. And bread, a big loaf of hot crusty bread. All of it. The stuff of dreams.

I’m okay with your extreme self-absorption. It gives us something to talk about.

So kind of you. I’ll think of you when I make my banana smoothie tomorrow morning. I’ve been researching recipes.


Photo by Eiliv Aceron on Unsplash

3 Comments on “Emulsify

  1. I’m sorry there’s still no real food in your life. Hopefully not much longer 🙂

    • It’s not ‘still’ – it’s ‘again.’ Round 2 of dental work. I’ll be out of soft food jail Friday. 🙂

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