John

My brother called me two years ago and left a voicemail but I’ve never opened it and probably never will for reasons I can’t explain except to say I would rather imagine what he said to me than to know for sure and I’m afraid his voice, that husky whisper that told me about elves that danced at night under our front yard bushes so long ago, would sound frail and fading, weak, he was never weak, and so the voicemail has stayed on my phone all this time even after he died and I think, this isn’t what normal people do, they don’t keep an unopened voicemail on their phone, careful to delete all other voice mails, so his sits alone on the screen like a headstone I carry in my pocket, etched, like a tattoo I might get someday.

7 Comments on “John

  1. No matter how difficult, we have to do what feels right, even if it’s not what other people do. XXX

  2. Jan … I’m not sure about what normal people do, and I raise a flag to folks like you who tell it “like it is” for so many of us. THANK YOU!

    • It’s a mystery what ‘normal people’ do – all of us abnormal folks are way more interesting anyway, right?

  3. My brother is blocked on my phone, but his voicemails come through anyway. They go to a blocked messages folder, which is a group of just him. I discovered he’d left another one last night. It was from July 9, but I chose not to listen to it. Then before I went to bed I read this blog. This morning I listened to the first sentence of his message then hit stop. I knew I didn’t want to hear the other almost 30 seconds of his message. I know we have different reasons for not listening to our messages, but reading your post made me feel better. Thanks for sharing, Jan.

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