Red's Wrap
Happiness. It's relative.
Scorecard
Her children are doing great, one is an accountant, another in law school, the last in Central America on a break from college,resumes folded in her purse to show me if I asked. I turned away from the contest, knowing I would have to say that, of mine, three are happy and one not so much but that probably changes day by day. I stopped keeping track of their accomplishments or not and now settle on whether I want to have lunch with them and whether they can tell a decent joke or get one, which one of them I would trust to show up if I was stranded, no questions asked. This is hard to explain standing amid the Christmas candles in the department store so I just keep it to myself and say goodbye.
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Snow Door | wisconsinacademy.org
Listen to Jan read her essay “Billy” presented on WUWM’s Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “At the Breakfast Bar” on WUWM Lake Effect
Jan’s essay “The Parish Hall,” on WUWM Lake Effect
“Fury Cannot Touch Me,” Modern Love, NYT, 9/29/11
Ain’t that the truth.
Reblogged this on Loving Me, Too and commented:
I’m re-blogging this post by Jan Wilberg because it and the comments remind me step out of the contest. Loving me too, includes stepping out of the mainstream comptetion when it comes to myself or my outside-the-box kids who remind me of this “Here’s to the Crazy ones” quote: https://search.yahoo.com/search?p=Here%27s+to+the+crazy+ones&ei=UTF-8&fr=moz35.
You don’t know how good this makes me feel about my struggling, outside the box adult children. Or maybe you do know! Thank you all for sharing. I think I will re-blog on “Loving Me Too.”
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Reblogged this on Nutsrok and commented:
Reblogging this excellent post from Red’s Wrap. I’ve often thought of this when hearing people giving glowing reports on their children, mindless of the struggles of others. Something to think about. Thanks Jan Wilberg for this thoughtful post on http://redswrap.wordpress.com/2014/11/18/scorecard/
May I repost tomorrow? Holidays can be hard. Thanks for writing this kind post.
I’ve been thinking about this post all day. It’s good to be proud of our children, but another to boast. Neither their accomplishments or failures are belong to us. We have all made contributions, good and bad, but they are responsible for how they deal with life’s gifts and challenges. Most times, it is fairly likely none of us knows a great deal of what is going on in our family’s lives today, not to mention, what the future holds. It’s best to celebrate when we can and do what needs to done the other times, for our families, ourselves, and those around us. Nothing is static. Nothing.
I quit the comparison game ages ago when I realized that those who judge my son by if he’s an honor student or planning for college or has a job, are those who have missed everything that is actually more important about him: his amazing empathy for others, his dry humor, his love of debate, his ability to elevate one eyebrow when I say something silly…Now I simply congratulate the other person and don’t add to the conversation. Too many things more important.
These encounters begin in the pediatricians office and go on into eternity. There are no winners.
Yes! I want healthy and happy for the most part. Achievement does not mean success in life. It can, and when that happens it is wonderful. But I’ll take healthy and happy any day.
Now I am at that point with grandchildren. One is now working steady, with no new legal problems. The last probation seems to have helped him make better decisions, and the uncle of his girlfriend who gave him, a felon, a second chance with the job. My first grandson just finished 20 days in jail but is doing okay. I really like the woman he is engaged to, and he has bonded with her 13 month son. We both know there are accomplishment nestled in here, but I don’t carry their resumes.
I lost my 44-year old daughter this year…she was the one that I was banking on to save me when I got old…or stranded. Currently rethinking.
I don’t keep score anymore. I used to, always thinking I was holding the losing score card. These days I appreciate any progress towards adulthood and worry less about comparisons.