Mothers of Sons, Hear Me Out

Mothers of sons, hear me out.  All mothers of sons, please listen.  I want to say what I have to say to all of you – the mothers of sons pulling straight A’s in college, the mothers of sons  who are struggling, the mothers of sons who’ve served time in jail and sons who’ve never got sent to the principal’s office.  The news is this: what happened to Derek Williams could happen to your son.  The grief experienced by his family could be yours; it could be your grandchildren who are orphaned.  No matter whom you are or how great a job you think you did as a parent, what happened to Derek Williams in the back of that squad car could happen to your son.

You see there is only the thinnest razor’s edge of luck and happenstance that separates your son from this fate – wrong place, wrong time, wrong friends, bad impulse, lapse in judgment, miscalculation, or a single episode of out of character behavior. There’s a reason the stereotypical mother stands up in court to tell the sentencing judge, “He was always such a good boy.” He probably was.

Many of my women friends who are mothers live in a world of perfection.  I mean they think that’s where they live. As mothers, they’ve done everything right, their sons have done everything right, and the problems of a Derek Williams are as remote to them as leprosy. I know about the world of perfection.  I passed through there on my way to a permanent world of imperfection filled with mistakes, close calls, redemption and recovery, and deep gratitude that nothing fatal or irretrievable has happened to my two sons – yet.  I take nothing for granted; rather, I believe that anything can happen. So when I read about Derek Williams and look at his smiling face while he’s holding his child, I can see the faces of my sons. My heart aches for his family and I am scared to death.

I don’t know this as an absolutely fact but I would probably feel safe betting $10 that one or both of my sons could describe the backseat of a squad car.  Don’t get me wrong.  They’re both decent guys with fulltime jobs, no criminal record, not much interaction with law enforcement beyond traffic issues, but experienced in situations that may not have been entirely consistent with their middle class, nice Jewish/Methodist upbringing.  That they are Nicaraguan adds a wild card, well not really a wild card since both have been pulled over for things that seem to equate to driving while Hispanic.  So this fact, that they’re Hispanic, puts them at a little more risk but my primary thesis remains – what happened to Derek Williams could happen to my sons or anyone’s son and here’s why.

Law enforcement in Milwaukee – both the Milwaukee Police Department and the Milwaukee County Sheriff’s Department – has created a world where there are two kinds of people – scumbag thugs and the good people.  If you are a young man and you get arrested, you immediately belong to the first group.  It doesn’t matter who you are, who your parents are, where you grew up, what life you’ve lived, or what good you’ve done.  We have law enforcement leaders whose primary approach is to demonize and dehumanize people who break the law, particularly young men, and especially African American and Hispanic young men.  They haven’t just done bad things, they are bad people, so it goes.

In this law enforcement paradigm, it is not possible for a young man to have made a mistake.  If he is caught robbing someone, fleeing the scene of an accident, whatever, he isn’t making a mistake or even committing a crime, he’s a scumbag thug, a permanent, immutable status that is used to justify law enforcement’s disrespect and mistreatment.  In a nanosecond, your son could make a mistake that will catapult him out of life as he knows it – the family picnics, the Mother’s Day presents, the career plans – to the other side.  And when he does, many (not all) in our law enforcement community feel they have license to do what they will to him.  Now that he’s part of scumbag thug nation, it’s no holds barred.  This means body cavity searches, choke holds that break bones, and ignored pleas for help in a medical emergency. You can wave from the other side of the glass, Mom, but you can’t stop it.  You have no say in what happens next.  Prepare to weep.

The same thinking that supports feeding Milwaukee County prisoners nutraloaf and prohibits visits from their own children is the same thinking that justifies Wisconsin incarcerating ten times as many people as neighboring Minnesota and the same thinking that sends people to prison for ridiculously long sentences with very little rehabilitative or reentry services and keeps them on paper for years after release and is the same thinking, ultimately, that reassured those police officers sitting in the front seat listening to the desperate pleas of a dying man that he didn’t deserve their care and protection.

Our law enforcement leaders in Milwaukee, Chief Flynn and Sheriff Clarke, reinforce the notion of scumbag thugs being the enemy of all of us good people at every turn.  Are people redeemable?  Can a young man make a mistake, commit a crime, and still be deserving of respect and protection?  Can he be rehabilitated and become a productive member of society?  What are our beliefs here?  If we believe in redemption, that most people are basically decent and want to live productive lives, then we need to examine who we put in charge and whether their beliefs align with ours.

Our fear of crime has morphed into our hatred of the offender. And that has generated a cavalcade of bad policies and rotten attitudes on the part of law enforcement that are knots on the same wicked rope.  Don’t think the Derek Williams case is an anomaly.  It’s not.  It’s one case, the tip of the proverbial iceberg.  What happened that night in that squad car is the single most visible manifestation of a culture of demonizing offenders that we all have had a part in building.  In our mad rush to reduce the crime rate, we’ve acquiesced to the sacrifice of common decency and basic human regard.  The result is a young man dying while the people in charge of his well-being essentially sat and watched.  That’s the culture we created.  Yes, the officers must be held accountable but we are all responsible.  We let it happen.

Mothers of sons – all of you – you have a stake in this that is bigger than you know.  It’s time to get up, stand up, and speak out about how law enforcement treats people in this community. It’s time to complain, question, and be present.  For my part, I’m going to be there, wherever there is action on this issue.  I’m going to call, write, complain, and stand up.  And when I do, I’m going to look around the room for other mothers of sons so we can stand together.  We can’t let this go on.  It’s up to us. It’s time.

For background information see:  http://www.jsonline.com/watchdog/watchdogreports/judge-named-to-preside-over-inquest-into-derek-williams-death-fg70s0l-171390721.html