Don’t Be a Wimp: Finding the Courage to Adopt

She’s wondering whether she can ride the pony.  Other kids are on ponies and they seem ok.  But that doesn’t mean it would work for her. She’s thinking that the pony could bite.  Or run away.  And that she might have to start crying.

Doesn’t matter if all the grown-ups tell her it will be fine.  She’s got a picture in her head and it’s full of bad what-ifs.  It’s keeping her little knees locked – she’s stuck.  She wants to be like those kids and ride a pony but it’s way too risky.  She might have to start crying — bottom line.

Feeling that risk — that we might have to start crying.  That things won’t work out.
That the pony – pretty and sweet with a braided mane  – will whirl her head around and bite.  That’s what keeps people from adopting kids.

I remember a couple who backed out of adopting a child for whom all the international paperwork was done when they learned he had a cleft palate.  A cleft palate?  Send the Smile Train and get it fixed!   But no, it was a deal breaker.

I wonder about this couple now — many, many years later.  Did they find a better kid? Or did they talk about their decision day after day, finding new ways to justify it, becoming at home and cozy with their fears and knowing that they avoided a situation where they might have had to start crying.

Did they end up like some women I know who tell me that they wanted to adopt but they were afraid or that their husbands wouldn’t go along with it?  The time just passed and they stood in place watching the damn ponies.  And all the orderly little reasons why adopting was too risky and scary ended up on a beat-up index card in the bureau drawer.

And life goes on.  But those folks know they didn’t get on the pony and they are bummed.

Truly, totally bummed.

That’s sad.

But here’s the big news – even when the pony bites and runs away and you have to start crying — it’s really worth it.

I know this – I got a lot of street cred in the barn.